Judas Kiss

Ask anyone what they’re idea of the ultimate betrayal is to them you’ll hear one or more of the following answers: Lying, stealing, infidelity, disloyalty, treachery, being sold out; just basic perfidy. These are all terrible things, the hurt that comes with being betrayed is arguably worse than some physical pain. When someone inflicts this amount of pain on us we experience a myriad of negative emotions; we hate them, we’re angry, we want nothing to do with them, we are altered- sometimes forever. We comfort ourselves in knowing that at least we won’t have to see them again… But what happens when you do? What happens if you see that root of the monster eating you up inside every time you look in the mirror? What happens if it’s you?

Betrayal is slightly easier to deal with if you don’t see the root of it often enough, you can hate them all you want, talk trash about or to them and have that make you feel better (maybe… a little…sometimes…). It’s terrible enough if you live with the person who caused it; but how much more so if it’s you? You know how difficult it is to have to live with yourself after having done something you’re not proud of? Can you imagine living with yourself because you are the root of your misery? Some of you reading this don’t have to imagine it, you know what that’s like very well, some of you have felt it… and some of you are feeling right this second. Before I continue, I empathize with the latter group, I’m sorry.

‘What could possibly be so bad or so deep?’ the other groups may ask. The older we get, the more reality hits and the more childish our dream seem. A little more with each experience, we relax our standards until they’re paralyzed. “Who needs to be happy?” We lie to ourselves until we believe it. We’ve started believing that adulting means no happiness, that’s a childhood fantasy, adulting is about responsibilities and doing whatever it takes to meet them. They tell us our lists are unrealistic and we should drop our standards. We listen. The thing is, the more we listen to them the more we water the seeds that the first conversation planted, the lower we drop our standards the closer we bring ourselves to the monster that will devour us, to the greatest tragedy that is a life half or completely unlived.

Is it ever too late to reconcile with the real you? Or was it all just a childish dream and is it time to move on? Let peace be your compass. I know that life is what it is for the most part but you should at least feel like the drama is worth it because in its absence there’s peace. If there isn’t peace when it’s quiet, that’s the life you deserve calling out for you… Answer before it’s too late.

Peace & Love Always,

Tshepiso Molakeng

Quality Growth International


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