Is the grass really ever greener on the other side? Is there ever a way of knowing for sure unless you actually cross over? What happens if you do cross over and find that it’s a “better the devil you know” over there? What happens then?
Let me say this, sometimes it really is time to move on, sometimes that really is what’s best for you. The problem is when we think we will only be happier on the other side. If you can’t be happy where you are, chances are you’ll never be happy anywhere else… it’s not the where or with whom (sometimes) that’s the problem, it’s the common denominator: you. Of course life has it’s sucky moments and we aren’t always going to be happy-go-lucky, but if we’re content, then it’s all that much better. When there is no illusion of happiness being at the next stop, we learn to search for it right where are, here and now. The more we search for it in every moment, it becomes a habit and then happiness becomes a habit, which could only come with contentment and eventually peace, leading to the holy grail… joy.
That three letter word has been my goal since as far back as I can remember. I waned to be okay no matter what. I was naturally a very emotional child and was on Prednisone for years, I had deep dark secrets and a case of PTSD so I was also pretty high strung and depressed. I was never happy, in fact, I remember thinking I’d never be happy and that on its own makes existing that much more difficult. At 16 so much changed in my life, too much. One day my English teacher came to open the door to her classroom and found me laughing hysterically at something my classmate had said, she was genuinely horrified. She said she had never seen me laugh, see in my head I laughed all time! Fast forward a few years, I had my first live performance with a hip-hop group, I sang the chorus, now again, in my head I was at least doing the two-step… but everyone says I was dead still for all 3 minutes and 59 seconds of that performance. So maybe she was right, I never laughed. From that day, I made a conscious decision to laugh at absolutely everything. It was a little weird in the beginning but I quickly got the hang of it. That became the one thing I was reprimanded for in class, laughing too much. It made so many things okay.
See, if you don’t master being okay where you are now, you may never know how to be okay in the sweetest places. The chorus from one of my favourite songs is “Stop where you are, under fading stars. This is the world we’ve made, there is no better place, it’s true. Light a fire where you are.” If you don’t learn to create or find a little of happiness where you are right now and nature it, big happiness will be so unfamiliar to you you’ll most likely end up rejecting it. If you’re happy and content (not satisfied) where you are now, you’ll be happier where you desire to go too, when you move it will be fore growth, not the pursuit of happiness.
Here’s the thing, the grass isn’t greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it. A house plant only grows and flourishes when it is constantly taken care of nurtured, but first you need to know what it needs to thrive. Same goes for you. You need to be constantly aware that you are on an ongoing journey to knowing yourself, be aware of transitions and times of change; know what you like and want, be aware when those things change too. Nurture yourself. Leaving a house plant unattended for a short enough time is the death of it. I wasn’t big on flowers until a week ago when I got roses from someone. They where striking and beautiful and precious when I received them, but when they got water, it was like nothing I’ve ever seen before! They opened up even more than they when I got them and there’s just so much more within the bulb, just more and more petals. I’m in awe every morning when I look at them. That’s what water does!
Desert plants are able stay alive because they’re able to store water that will sustain them for a lifetime. That bitter gooey liquid inside an aloe plant is what sustains it. Always choose to nurture yourself, knowing how to do that helps with the happiness thing. Sometimes, our environment makes it near impossible to nurture and take care of yourself, this could be a job or a relationship or whatever. Sometimes you’ve picked all the flowers you can in that environment and the soil just isn’t conducive for the growing of more flowers; in those instances, it is important to move on to a place with soil that’s good for you, not flowers, soil. You plant and water your own garden.
It all starts with intentionally being kind to yourself. I heard a beautiful quite this week on The Red Table Talk: “Treat yourself like you’re someone you care about.”
That’s how you blossom and flourish.
Yours Truly,
Tshepiso Molakeng,
Quality Growth International
Quality Growth International 